


You're Not Tall Enough

by wordsarelifealways



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Drunk Isak Valtersen, Excessive Drinking, M/M, taking care of a drunk partner
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-08
Updated: 2017-07-08
Packaged: 2018-11-29 14:43:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,325
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11443032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wordsarelifealways/pseuds/wordsarelifealways
Summary: Isak manages to get so wasted that he doesn't recognise Even and proceeds to tell Even all about his hot boyfriend waiting for him at home.





	You're Not Tall Enough

**Author's Note:**

> anon prompt: "Isak gets drunk and Even is trying to take care of him but Isak doesn't realise it's Even because he's shitfaced and keeps telling Even to stop because he has a boyfriend"

Usually Even hated being around drunk people when he was sober.

Truth be told, he wasn’t actually that keen on drunk people when he was drunk either.  Alcohol had never really been his thing; he had always preferred something a bit, uh, _greener_.

But seeing Isak absolutely wasted was proving more amusing than anything else Even could remember in recent history.  He was currently stood up on the sofa with Eva – it was always Eva who pushed Isak over the edge from drunk to _wasted_ – racing her to finish a cup of some horrifyingly strong concoction Vilde had created.  Everyone was crowded around them chanting _drink drink drink_ like some ridiculous TV show scene.

What wasn’t ridiculous, though, was the delighted look on Isak’s face when he swallowed down the last of his drink and tossed the cup aside.  His cheeks were flushed and his eyes were bright and he was smiling so wide that Even didn’t even care that he’d be nursing a hungover Isak for the entirety of the next day.

He’d do anything to see Isak’s face lit up like that.

He joined the rest of the crowd in cheering for Isak, who was up on the sofa basking in his moment of glory that he probably wouldn’t remember the next day.

When people asked later how he knew what was about to happen he tells them he knew from the way Isak blinked.  One second his eyes were bright, but after an uncoordinated looking blink they were completely vacant and Even was surging forwards with the bin firmly in his grasp.

He thrust the receptacle into Isak’s face mere seconds before his boyfriend lurched forwards and vomited.  The crowd that had been cheering him and Eva on quickly dispersed, not wanting to be in the splash zone.  Even was vaguely aware of Eva squealing that Isak throwing up meant she was the _real_ winner seeing as she’d held her liquor, but he was a bit too preoccupied with keeping the bin under Isak’s chin to defend his boyfriend’s honour as the rightful winner.

Once Isak stopped retching Even walked him slowly away from the main bustle of the party.  He ended up sitting a very drunk Isak down on Eva’s doorstep with the bin in his lap, hoping the cool night air would sober him up a bit.

“Still having fun, baby?” Even couldn’t help but teasing as he knelt in front of Isak.

“Don’t call me that, I have a boyfriend!” Isak slurred.  He managed to sound outraged even in his drunken state.

“I know?  I am the boyfriend?” Even frowned.  Isak stared hard at him; his lips were pursed in a very unimpressed fashion and his alcohol-glazed eyes managed to convey a severe lack of belief at Even’s statement.

“You’re not _tall_ enough t’be my boyfriend.” Isak shook his head for a second before groaning and doubling back over the bin, retching some more.  And damn, that was the first time in his life Even had been told he wasn’t tall enough for something.

“I’m crouching, Isak.  You’re sat down?” Even tried to explain as he rubbed Isak’s back, but Isak was having none of it.

“No, no!  Even didn’t _want_ t’come out tonight; he’s at _home_!” Isak insisted.  And yeah, okay, Even hadn’t really wanted to watch all his friends get blitzed when he was just coming out of a depressed few weeks but he _also_ didn’t want to be apart from Isak when he was finally feeling like himself again.

“You know what: I think it’s time we got you home.” Even suggested.  If Isak was so drunk he couldn’t even recognise his boyfriend of almost a year then it was probably time to call it a night.

Even went inside and grabbed their stuff as quickly as he could, not wanting to leave Isak alone for too long.  Thankfully they hadn’t brought much with them; just their jackets and their wallets with their keys inside.  The other things they’d brought with them had been for the party (namely alcohol), so Even didn’t have to worry about getting that home.

Most of it was probably inside Isak anyway, he thought with a shake of his head as he went back out.

“I’ve got your jacket, handsome.” Even draped the fabric over Isak’s shoulders before carefully pulling his arms through the sleeves and zipping him up.

“I _told_ you, I have a _boyfriend_.” Isak huffed irritably, hugging Eva’s bin to his chest.  Even wasn’t going to try to pry the bin out of Isak’s grip; he’d rather Isak kept the bin to be sick in while he got him back home than try to take it off him and ending up covered in cold sick.

They could return the bin – after a thorough washing – to Eva at a later date.  For now Even needed to get Isak home.

He was going to have to play along with Isak’s drunken brain, because clearly he couldn’t be reasoned with.

“Yeah, sorry.” Even shook his head.  He couldn’t believe he was doing this.  “I think we should get you home to him.  How does that sound?” He asked soothingly, not wanting to push too hard and get Isak’s back up.  Isak pondered his offer for a minute before he answered.

“I miss him.” Isak pouted.

And that was that.

It took a minute to get Isak onto his feet, and another minute to get him _steady_ , but soon enough they were starting the slow journey home.  It was probably one of Even’s lowest ranking walks with Isak; aside from the fact that Isak didn’t think he was himself, Isak was stumbling all over the place and kept suddenly stopping and the vomit smell emanating from the bin was making Even’s stomach sour.

He could only stand so much before he took the bin from Isak – ignoring his weak protests – and emptied it into some random bin before passing it back to Isak in case he had anything else in his stomach to empty.

If Even was going to endure this miserable – and _slow_ – walk home then he was going to have some fun with Isak.

“Why don’t you tell me about your boyfriend while we walk?” Even burrowed himself deeper into his jacket, wishing he’d asked his mother if he could borrow the car to get Isak home.

Hindsight was 20/20 and all that.

“Yeah!” Isak, to Even’s delight, lit up at the prospect of talking about his boyfriend.

“Okay, so his name is- is Even.” Isak hiccupped.  “And he’s _soooo_ tall.  Taller than me.  No one’s _ever_ taller than me.” Isak’s words slurred together, but Even could just about follow it.

“You like that he’s taller than you?”

“Um, _duh_!” Isak exclaimed.  “Makes me feel so nice.  Safe.  Never used t’feel safe.” Isak shook his head.  For a solid _ten_ seconds.  Even felt a lump in his throat at that statement.

“No?”

“No.” Isak confirmed.  “But- but Even’s so big ’n’ warm ’n’ snugly.  Like a big…a big teddy bear.” Isak lost his train of thought for a second but picked it back up after a few beats of silence.

“Even the teddy bear?” Even laughed, but to his surprise Isak swatted at his chest.  He was amazed Isak even hit his intended target considering he could hardly walk straight.

“Don’t _laugh_ at him!” Isak was almost shouting.  “He’s- he’s the _best_ person!  He’s so good that he made _me_ better!  Just- just by being _close_ t’me!” Isak’s speech might have been more impressive if he hadn’t hiccupped his way through it, but it still made Even’s heart swell.

“I’m sure you weren’t that bad.” He placated.

“No.  I was so sad, and l-lonely, and he- he saved me.  We save each other.” Isak giggled a little at the end and looked up at Even.  “That’s kinda our thing.  Saving each other.  It’s some dumb movie quote, I think.” Isak sniffled, rubbing a hand over his runny nose.

Even had to resist the urge to fight him on it being ‘some dumb movie’, but somehow found the strength not to argue.

“He’s such a film nerd.” Isak rolled his eyes, but in his drunken state it ended with his entire body lurching to the side and Even having to grab him before he fell into the road.  He was so glad he emptied the bin of its contents, because he definitely would have just been doused in vomit.

“God, you’re a mess tonight.  I’m never letting Vilde make whatever was in that cup _again_.” Even groaned as he manhandled Isak back into an upright standing position.  They were so almost home; Even could _see_ the roof of their building from where they were standing.

“S’not your job t’look after me!” Isak argued as they rounded the last corner.

“Is that Even’s job?”

“ _No_!” Isak looked horrified.  “We help each other out sometimes.  When we gotta.  S’no one’s _job_.”

A beat of silence.  Followed by:

“’sides, Even’s a barista.” Isak mumbled.  He was beginning to flag; he was swaying into Even’s side more and more and it was getting more and more difficult to keep him upright.

If Isak wondered how the guy taking him home knew where he lived, he didn’t ask any questions.  Even just needed to get him through the final stretch.

“A barista, huh?  He make you good coffee?”

“Uh huh.” Isak gave him a dopey drunk smile and Even’s heart melted just a little.  “He’s so good t’me.” Isak sighed and Even’s heart jumped in his chest because he knew what was going to come next.

Sure enough: Isak slumped against him, resting his head against Even’s shoulder and going heavy.

“m’tired.” Isak mumbled.  Even looked desperately ahead.  They were _so_ close to the flat.

“Hey, Isak, what’s the most annoying thing about your boyfriend?” Even asked, hoping to get one last rant out of Isak to spur him through the doors.

“Always talks through movies.” Isak grumbled, still leaning heavily against Even.  “And he always forgets t’do his- his jobs around the flat.” He hiccupped.

No rant.

No last burst of energy.

“Sounds like a bit of a dick.” Even replied through gritted teeth, resorting to hauling Isak’s almost dead weight through the door to the building and up the stairs.

It was going brilliantly until Isak started hitting at his arms and his chest and basically anywhere he could reach.  He was too drunk to get much force behind them, but they startled Even enough to stop.

“D-don’t talk about him like that!” Isak looked beyond mad.  Even was oddly flattered that Isak was so outraged on his behalf.  “You don’t _know_ him!  He’s the- the man of my _life_!  I _love_ him!  I love him even when he f-forgets to dry our clothes or- or buy milk or he takes an extra shift without t-telling me!” Isak’s hiccups were really ruining the angry tirade he was trying to go on, but Even didn’t dare laugh.

“And- and I don’t think I want you here any more!” Isak spluttered.  He broke away from Even and stumbled up the last few stairs to their flat, and Even watched in amazement as Isak showed the most sober behaviour he had in hours by successfully getting his key out of his wallet and into the lock on the first try.

Sometimes Even couldn’t even do that sober.

Isak let himself in, almost falling through the doorway as the door swung away from him, but before he went inside he turned his head and gave Even a look so cold it could have frozen lava.

“He’s not a dick.” Isak snapped.

A thoughtful look came over his face.  Even was almost scared what was going to come next.

“He _has_ a nice dick though.  But you’ll never know, because he’s _my_ boyfriend.” Isak said smugly before slamming the door shut in Even’s shocked face.

For almost a minute Even stood in stunned silence in the stairway.  He was there for so long that the automatic light went out and he had to blindly feel the wall for the light switch, muttering curses to himself.  He could hear Isak stumbling around their tiny flat as he let himself in and he left Isak to his own devices for the time it took him to strip his outdoor clothes off and move the bin to Isak’s side of the bed.

A quick glance at his phone told him that it was almost 2.30AM and he definitely didn’t let out a little whimper at that.  At heart Even wasn’t much of a partier; he much preferred domestic nights in where he and Isak could be asleep by 11PM. He already knew he was going to be exhausted tomorrow.

He would be exhausted and Isak would be crabby and hungover.

With a groan, Even threw an arm over his eyes and flopped back onto their bed.  He couldn’t even be bothered to put his pyjamas on.  He was just lying in his boxers and his undershirt, despite the fact his nice soft sweats were _in_ his line of sight.

Nothing felt worth moving for right now.  He was exhausted from trying to keep up with Isak’s drunk brain and the sloppy mess his mobility skills were reduced to when he got this wasted.

“Evy?” Isak whisper-shouted as he came into the lounge.  Even could smell mouth wash, and for that he was grateful.  Morning breath was one thing, but _I spent most of last night vomiting_ morning breath was something else entirely.

“Hey, baby.” Even yawned, extending the arm that wasn’t covering his tired eyes out onto the bed so Isak could curl up in his embrace.  Isak settled next to him quickly, tucking his head close to Even’s jaw.

“You wouldn’t believe the night I had.” Isak mumbled sleepily against Even’s neck.

“I think I have an idea."

**Author's Note:**

> I got this prompt back in January and I feel so bad that I'm only just writing it now. If that anon is still out there, waiting for this, I'm so so sorry! Life got in the way RIP but this was so fun to write haha thank you for sending this! As always, you can find me on tumblr over [here](http://isaksredscarf.tumblr.com)


End file.
